WHY ME?

After the preliminaries were done with, Dr opened the papers in his hands and told me to be strong. He then read out the results.

The summary of the results were that I indeed tested positive for breast cancer. Stage 3c!

At this point everyone at the table had tears in their eyes. My dear husband was actually crying. He later on told me that he saw all the pain involved in treating cancer and could not bear to think that I would go through same.

I'm someone that do not like crying in public so as much as I felt like crying I forced a smile and used whatever will or strength I had left in me to ask Dr if I could be treated.

I was very relieved when he said yes. The results also had my treatment plan with the drugs to be used. He said I would have to go through chemotherapy, radiation and a mastectomy! My heart beat faster! All these treatments?

Dr said since I did not have insurance in the US or even in Nigeria the treatment will have to be self pay and this would cost approximately $250,000.

He encouraged me and assured me that himself and his family were ready to go through this period with me and that he was confident I would come out fine. I was very grateful for those words because at this point I did not know what to think.

The 'meeting' ended.

While everyone were getting up and all, I went into the guest room where we stayed, climbed into bed and wept!

Oh how I wept that evening.

When I couldn't weep anymore I started to cry. While crying different thoughts came to my mind. 'So I have a few more months to live. My husband will have to re-marry. I won't ever have kids. Where will I even get the money to pay for the treatment? Why was this happening to me? Why me? Why? What caused the cancer? What did I do wrong? Not even stage 1 or 2 or 3a or 3b but 3c! The second to last stage'. The questions and thoughts kept coming and I would cry harder with each thought!

I then tried to pray but I just could not so I just decided to talk to God like He was sitting in front of me and watching me.

I asked why He allowed this happen to me and why he would allow a sickness that I cannot afford to afflict me. I asked how I was going to pay for the treatment and whether I would even survive it because a lot of people always die in the course of treatment. The questions just kept coming out.

I was not angry but felt life had not been fair to me. I had just gotten married and planned that 2013 was the year to start trying for kids all for me to be told I had cancer. I had lost my mum, dad and only brother earlier so I felt that life was indeed cruel to me at this stage.

Then I heard those words 'I will help you'. I heard it so clearly in my ears, quiet, soft and calming. 'I will help you through it all'

And help me did He through it all.